apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
