Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
