Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
