I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
