Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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