Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
