bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
