He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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