I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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