why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
