Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
