Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
