I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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