A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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