youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
