chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
