Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
