why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
