If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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