put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
someone owes me an orgasm
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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