I met the friendliest cop last night
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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