dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize