He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
