The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
