you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just had sex bonerless
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
