my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
