All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
