I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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