I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
