...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
