my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
