we're chasing vodka with high fives
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
