I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
