I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
