I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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