it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
