This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot wine drunk hurts
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize