I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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