wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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