I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
