I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
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Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
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She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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