Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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