if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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