I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
