He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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