the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
