please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
a search helicopter?!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
