it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
