she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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