it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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