i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
