whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
