discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
