weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it was like eating out sand paper
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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