Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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