people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
