I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
