Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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