So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
