we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
