i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
